can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How does one acquire holy water?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize