I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
