when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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