How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
