Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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