I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
