I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sober January is a disaster.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can I color on your dick again?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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