he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
