ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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