Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
