I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
