The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
