Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
