I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
