I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize