I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
