We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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