so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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