All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
