Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
