she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
