Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
