she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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