You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We need to get me chipped asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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