That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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