Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
