genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
