i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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