first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize