1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
