these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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