so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
