i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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