don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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