They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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