Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
