porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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