Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
