I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
