I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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