also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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