Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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