I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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