ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
