Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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