get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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