I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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