If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
