I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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