I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
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i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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