i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My breasts were aching with rage.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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