i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm like, not good at living.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
