I want to walk on stilts...naked
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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