He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
