I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
