I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
