put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sarcasm needs its own font
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
