just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
