At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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