dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
