I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
FUCK WHALES
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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